Dreamer Deceiver Aggregator
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 So everybody’s in a big fluff because Google and Facebook and those types are changing their privacy regulations and starting to track you more, sell you more, etc. This is nothing new to the studied rivet head, as Rob Halford warned us over 25 years ago about the electric eye in the sky. Ever since then, I’ve been practicing active deception just to fuck up the numbers, and it’s only gotten easier. Like if I’m going out to a strip club, crack house or seedy bar, I always stop by a Whole Foods and Catholic Church on the way, just so the satellite can correlate those behaviors.
All these uber menschen running the Internet fall prey to the human problem of hubris and belief in their own superiority. They are going to watch you, run the numbers and sell you shit based upon what they see you doing because they are so fucking smart, and you are so fucking dumb. They are subject, you are object. I once heard about a health care terminal that would be available to Walmart employees. The idea was that if 5% of the employees search the word “obesity,” then Walmart knows it can lower its costs by making its employees do jumping jacks each day. Better yet, this info can be re-packaged and sold to the nice folks who brought you the lap band or the Swisher Sweet. Forget the fact that these are fucking actual people who might die or have serious personal concerns – we need to cut absenteeism 3% because that’s what the shareholders demand – just like they are demanding that formerly cool services like Google and Facebook make money.
But as they watch your behavior, they make one assumption: you are telling the truth. So stop. I try to limit my Google searches to “gay line dancing in Boise” or “queers for Santorum.” If I do a real search, like for “Motorhead review 2012”, I’ll throw in a “five star hotel in Aruba”, “best stockbrokers for under $1,000 per trade,” etc. just so they know that Motorhead fans are important and should be catered to.
Back when I used to have time to listen to Negativland and read “Adbusters” I think they called this sort of thing “culture jamming” or something like that. There probably is a word for it and millions of people already doing it, but I wouldn’t know. The point is that if you want to make all these anal retentive, god-complex sadists lose their sad little hard ons in a flash, fuck with the numbers by drawing a line between your thoughts and your actions. By watching your keystrokes, they believe they have a line to your brain. Let them think so. Lead them onto the limb, then saw it off. While the “online you” shops for midget clothes at TheGap.com, the real you can go back to “Hustler” in a brown bag, phone sex, actual record stores and paying in cash – the way it should be.
Reader Comments (1)
This had me in Stitches! Thanks for the comic relief.